I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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