if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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