and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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