swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
