maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I have post one night stand depression
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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