I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hippo gnu deer
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am available for nakedness
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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