When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
