I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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