how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My vagina is officially offended.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
