I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
