mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
