I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
