Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
