he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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