Where are you?
In a non slutty way
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I believe in your delicious
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
