Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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