i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
