Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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