do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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