he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
