Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
