: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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