Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
