I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
