i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
