I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
