wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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