I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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