I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
