You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
