Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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