I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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