yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
