just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
