Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Of course I have a pirate flag
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
