theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
