Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Success! We fucked roommates!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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