That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
false alarm, still single
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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