bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
