nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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