I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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