Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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