Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
