I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
not ubering you a puppy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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