respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
