Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
