The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize