I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
