Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
