Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
