My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
