He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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