I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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