A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
