i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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