trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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