my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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