Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
