I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize