During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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