Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
