I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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