i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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