Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
