There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
