You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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