Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it glows. i had to have it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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