I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
